The Argument

It would be fair to say that all couples argue. Who could argue with such a proposition?

The worst sort of argument is when you, the adversary, gets accused of some sort of character defect, and sometime later you get an apology. An apology for what? For voicing the thought?

When you feel like there is no point in counter-arguing then you know you are dealing with a fixed position that leaves little hope for redemption.

Which gets me to the nub of the issue. What’s the point of an argument? Is it simply a pressure release valve for the stresses of consumerism? Or is it a genuine learning experience for self improvement?

The best person to argue with is someone that realises that just about any accusation one makes about another is simply a mirror,  a reflection of yourself and your fears. If it comes out of your mouth then aim it at yourself, I say.

The good ones also have ways of owning their own argumentive ways. They don’t simply blame the other person and absolve themselves from self reflection, fault and change.

Now if two such people get together then arguments can be seen as a constructive path towards a future where arguments are mostly redundant.

Dysfunctional arguments are in this paradigm simply a reflection of the combatants’ conjoint unsortedness. And such unsortedness doesn’t lead anywhere, last time I checked.

Which brings me to failure of counseling. Often it focuses on breaking such a dysfunctional deadlock.

But in fact what a couple really needs is individual skills training so they can head towards functional discord redundancy.