It was in another country, a long time ago, and you’ve got no idea where it was was, so don’t go ask fucking questions, but men were men and women were, well whatever they were, and it was a beautiful night, it was warm and comforting and the music was familiar. Dancing, loving, drinking, smoking, all was good.

And then, it happened. Seamus was in his prime surrounded by his compatriots listening to his boys belting out whatever chords tickled their fancy. Nicola danced past completely unaware of the hierarchy of desires of her competitors in skirts. Seamus.

It did not go unnoticed.

Fuck me, did it happen.

The great undoing.

So, watching Crocodile Dundee for the first time in 39 years, you’d expect out of date references, especially since it was effectively a comedy.

When it came to the soliloquy on land rights though, nothing’s changed except the language.

Back then, the best explanation was that the aboriginies didn’t own the land, it owned them, or they were part of the land, or it would still be there when we were all gone. Overall, the concept of Aboriginal ownership was usefully diminished.

Now, in the welcome to country, the aboriginies are listed as the former custodians of the land. That is, they were just minding it for us until we came along.

The concept of “ownership” is where the aboriginies are attacked in the English language. Which is an obvious weak spot because the aboriginies didn’t have a titles office.

Truth is though, it’s better to focus on access. Before the white fellows, the black fellas had unfettered access to their own tribal land. That’s no longer true.

But they couldn’t just willy nilly wander into the neighbouring mob’s land. Access rights look a lot like ownership to me

Slightly worrying when an organisation puts more effort into diversity and inclusiveness than it does into whatever it’s supposed to exist for.

I can’t think of way to say that with elegance, which makes me think they’ve got a point after all.

“Thief who stole 20kg gorilla statue from Melbourne retirement village admits he made ‘silly’ mistake”

Getting caught?

Direct from Viv…

Spong (noun): a very cool building

Etymology: Viv has no idea

Wealthy people tend not to work. They consume.

Similarly wealthy countries tend not to manufacture. They consume.

There’s nothing worse than watching some useless rich fucker trying to roll up the sleeves and be useful.

That you Australia. Don’t bother trying to manufacture please.

“Now a business, in my way of thinking, is not a machine. It is a collection of people who are brought together to do work and not to write letters to one another.”

@ 48 years before the first email in 1971.

There is a kind of contentment that comes from knowing too little, from seeing the world as it truly isn’t. It is the happiness of understanding that life is a grand adventure, made up of a series of small, significant moments, that love is a fairy tale, event though it’s a fragile, fleeting emotion, that happiness can be a permanent state, leading to a rare, fleeting glimpse of something we can hold onto. And in that understanding, there is a profound inclusiveness, a sense of being part of the world, and all the people, including oneself.

There’s an old saying that you “step into a boat and onto a ship”.

Similarly you can log in to any old bank app or log on to the Commonwealth Bank app.

Titanic?

“Think before you post”

It’s not a meme, it’s an actual UK govt warning posted on social media, on the subject of social media, and in the context of social media.

Probably should have taken their own advice.

The problem they’re attempting to address is that the general population hasn’t yet properly learned to treat social media as the clown show that it really is; light comedic entertainment, not to be taken seriously.

In real life, ironically it’s often the comedians that have to tell the audience not to take it seriously.

On social, the comedians don’t even know they are.

One solution is not to have any followers, readers or listeners. Then you can just post sans reason till the bovids saunter in.

Like this.

Henry Ford is an odd character. His ponderings on labour and capital seem quite reasonable but surprise, surprise, the major beneficiary of his leanings is capital.

He doesn’t directly address the question as to why the profits aren’t owned by the workers that were involved in creating those profits.

Instead they’re owned by the shareholders that did nothing, not even invest in the case of Ford. He bought most of his shares using dividends.

He keeps referring to the partnership between the company and the workers but in reality that wasn’t true at all. Supply and demand forces ceded all power to the company.

At least Ford was sufficiently embarrassed by his wealth to the extent that he fabricated a flawed capitalist counterpoint to the work of Marx.

At one level I think humans should not inherit wealth because it’s bad for them, their karma, and their gestalt.

However, what’s the alternative? The government takes it. Right there I’ll insert Kerry Packer.

In fact I’m coming around to the idea that we cut tax to some small fixed percentage of income or expenditure, and the government has to work within that income to provide it’s services.

Or better still, private enterprises bid to provide the services. The lowest bid wins.

Get rid of parliament and politicians altogether. They’re an expensive and inherently corrupt anachronism from another era, before technology.

I claim as my invention:

The variety of universe herein described characterized by its hominid mammals living on the 3rd rock from the star named the Sun in the Milky Way galaxy, which are relatively intelligent for sentient life forms, and can have creamy flesh of excellent color, smooth and sometimes with a nutty flavor.

Headline…

“Australia strikes deal to build our own long-range missiles”

Details…

“The missiles will cost $4 million each and have a range over 275 kilometres.”

So just enough to hit Newcastle from Sydney then…

Unlike every recent flight operated by the competition, my Virgin flight landed right on time.

I’m guessing, like the name suggests, they just don’t know any better.

Erroneously, Henry Ford is often quoted by modern marketing guru fuckwits (the LinkedIn type) as saying;

“If I had asked people what they wanted they would have said faster horses“.

This to imply that you shouldn’t waste your time asking your dumbarse customers what they want if you ever want to genuinely innovate.

What Ford actually said (and I’m quoting directly from his autobiography) is;

“Our purpose is to construct and market an automobile specially designed for everyday wear and tear – business, professional and family use; an automobile which will attain to a sufficient speed to satisfy the average person without acquiring any of those breakneck velocities which are universally condemned; a machine which will be admired by man, woman and child alike for it’s compactness, it’s simplicity, it’s safety, it’s all-around convenience, and – last but not least – it’s exceedingly reasonable price, which places it within the reach of many thousands who could not think of paying the comparatively fabulous prices asked for most machines.”

Difference much?

Later on the book he went on to say;

“The [Ford] salesmen … listened only to the 5 percent, the special customers who could say what they wanted, and forgot all about the 95 percent who just bought without making any fuss.”

That is, Henry made a point of listening to the silent majority, not ignoring them.

Virgin; what a stupid name for an airline. You may as well call an airline Qantas, Jetstar, or Vagina.

Scotthew comes to mind – allegedly, a pair of stoners couldn’t decide between Scott or Matthew for their baby, so they just merged the two.

An actual quote from Henry Ford’s autobiography:

“As with any comparatively new idea, electricity was expected to do much more than even now we have any indication that it can do.”

The world’s oldest person has just died at 117 years of age.

She believed her longevity stemmed from “order, tranquility, good connection with family and friends, contact with nature, emotional stability, no worries, no regrets, lots of positivity and staying away from toxic people”.

117 boring years then…

She went on to add;

“I think longevity is about being lucky”

So no cigar for being rational then.

If you’re shit at something, don’t do it.

If you’re great at something that doesn’t mean you should do it.

[incoming]

I’m thinking Jetstar need to start advertising estimated time of departure  (ETD).

That would be calculated by taking the intended time of departure, which isn’t even aspirational, then adding the flight time plus a random number between 0 and 24 hours.

ETA? Do your own maths, for what it’s worth. By first principles, any number you end up with will be wrong.

This is a truth; if you’re a reasonable person and other parties realise this, then consciously or subconsciously, they’ll be tempted to take advantage of your reasonableness (by being a cunt).

Remember, your loss is their gain.

The sole remedy is to inoculate yourself to your own reasonableness. You’ve got to take pre-emptive cunty steps to train others not to take advantage.

It’s unfortunate but true.

In roman numerals the base “Roman fraction” is S, indicating one half. 

For example, whereas 4 is IV, 4.5 is IVS.

I’ve got no idea how I’ve lived for LX.. years without knowing this.

However there a twist; S does not correspond to 5⁄10, as one might expect, but 6⁄12.

The Romans must have counted using one hand, counting phalanxes with their thumb, which is the basis of the duodecimal system.

In a weird-arse twist they also used a dot for 1/12’s. For example,

4 1/12 is IV.

4 2/12 is IV..

4 8/12 is IVS…

Envy isn’t that difficult a concept. Why then did that bloke have personalised number plates on his Hyundai?

Beauty is where you find it.

As a general rule, if a Deathstar passenger finds a person already sitting in their allocated seat, they just randomly choose another seat to sit in.

They don’t forecast that eventually this will cause a chain reaction of musical chairs as some interloper from another class system complains to the aerial chipmunks that their allocated seat is occupied.

It’s just one reason amongst many as to why it takes so long to load a Deathstar.

On top of that, have you noticed that time actually stands still whilst you’re on a Deathstar flight?

It’s a Zeno’s paradox for the ages … if time stands still then how do you ever get to where you are going?

However the orthodox Zeno position is that you can’t actually get there anyway because distance between your starting airport and destination is infinitely divisible.

My guess is that Deathstar, in their relentless pursuit of nothingness, have figured out how to cancel one Zeno paradox with the other.

It’s a new form of the Improbability Drive, for sure. Gets you from Melbourne to Brisbane only two hours late but with your memory strangely wiped.

Jetstar surely put the “C” and the “U” into Qantas.

Stoppages ran riot. Let’s say every couple of minutes play was stopped while they set a scrum or a lineout, or the officials discussed some penalty amongst themselves or attended an injury.

When play actually started and the ball was contested in say a tackle, kick, ruck, scrum or lineout, invariably there was a penalty.

Either the players don’t know all the rules, or they need play right on the edge of the rules to have any chance of winning. There’s so many constant infringements that the ref simply cherry-picks which to blow.

You can see why rugby league was invented. Rugby is complete tripe. I’m done with it.

I’m pretty sure that it should be illegal for the government to advertise against perfectly legal activities such as drinking, smoking and gambling.

Especially when they’re taxing the fuck out of said activities to their own profit.

Ideally there’d be something in a good constitution that prevents such malfeasance.

Much hand-wringing about bandicoots eating truffles before they’re harvested. It’s costing Australian truffles farmers millions of dollars because the bandicoots are so efficient at finding the truffles. Seems like truffles are catnip to these marsupials.

Much effort by academics in training bandicoots not to like truffles. Lol. What, are they going to send all the bandicoots a notice in the mail to go to the training program?

Then it finishes with this: “The truffles are harvested in winter with the help of dogs to sniff them out.”

Why not just use the bandicoots instead of the dogs? A two-fer, we call that.

If it works out then maybe we can also start racing the bandicoots. Think of the excitement.

Yup, so the mystery is – why does my snoring come and go?

Last night, I was awake “all” night in a second order nightmare. My snoring woke the grumpy elf which woke me, etc.

However I had just enough transitional semi-awake moments to capture the snoring pig in action. I did a Fourier Transfer analysis in my head (square root of the number of samples) and Eureka…

Resonance is the key. You need a certain velocity of air sucked by the reverse bagpipes known as our lungs, in order to get the dangling throaty bits to resonate.

That critical velocity reduces as you age due to sagging of your dangling bits and the other bits around it. Tonsils and uvula, if you will.

Effectively you’re a primary school recorder that can think just a little. And you’re about as tuneful.

So here’s my mystery solved; at night I only breathe through my nose. If it’s partially blocked then I breathe harder to get enough air, thus higher air velocity leading to critical velocity and resonance. Hence the intermittent snoring – if my nose is clear, no snoring.

If it’s totally blocked, say I’ve got a cold, then I breathe through my mouth. No snoring then either. But I end up with dry mouth, which I hate. It’s probably why I’ve trained myself to nose breathe at night.

I’m sure there’s people that can snore through their mouth because their dangling bits are really loose, so they have a very low critical velocity (the apertures in the mouth are larger, so the same lung vacuum results in a lower air velocity). But that’s not me.

So a mouth guard didn’t work for me because it didn’t force me to open my mouth. Same for the gimp mask thing; it actually kept my mouth even more closed.

The evil CPAP machine is a piece of overpriced rubbish. It works by doing the breathing for you so you never get the high velocities required for snoring.

Interestingly, when I used the nose mask on the CPAP machine I didn’t snore because it forced me to breath out through my mouth (I couldn’t exhale through my nose against the positive pressure – frightening as hell). Mouth open, that was clue.

So what’s the solution now I have a working hypothesis?

Step 1, test hypothesis; one night when I’m snoring I’ll use Otrivine to clear my nose at a known time, and then see what it does to my snoring, which I can record with the snoring app.

Then I either need to find something that keeps my mouth partly open or, more likely, train myself to do that automatically. If it’s open, the lung will automatically suck air through that channel as well, lowering the air velocity overall.

I’m going to suffer from dry mouth but I’ll just have to suck that up. Literally.

Getting the laser treatment makes sense because it tightens the dangling bits, increasing the air velocity required to initiate snoring. Getting the tonsils removed also makes sense.

I can’t do the CPAP shit. It’s an abomination foistered on hundreds of millions of people who must be bloody miserable human beings. I’d rather just have an operation on my throat.

And just think, frogs do this shit on purpose. This is me, being that frog with his hands around the stork’s literal neck. I don’t know why I have to do all the thinking for the rest of the lazy cunts.

There’s only two ways to make money from doing startups (actually this is true for any human activity);

1. Taking money off other people (thievery), e.g. doing an early IPO based on prime bullshit, then dumping your shares before anyone notices it’s a pile of shit. Otherwise known as Mercantilism – my gain is your loss, whether you know them or not.
2. Raping the planet, e.g. find new and more efficient technologies to consume resources and/or polute the biosphere. This is required for any increased and cheaper consumption at the end of the supply chain by consumers. Otherwise known as the Industrial Revolution.

However it’s only in the instance (a) you’re aware of this, and (b) care, that you develop bad karma by doing all this.

It also explains why those in the more affluent countries are the most miserable people. Shit karma much.

Ignorance is actually bliss.

Dopey AF is what you call it. Delusional. No idea.

A 36 year old academic that specialises in the cultural politics of break dancing, which as we’ve seen doesn’t qualify her to break.

Truth is, there is no cultural politics in break dancing. It’s just an academic figment.

Roughly half of current day red brick academia could be exterminated with no discernable impact. None.

But get this, there’s the suggestion floating around that she did it on purpose. Apparently the break dancing community isn’t very happy that their activity was taken over by the olympics. Having no central organisation they were defenceless against it’s inclusion.

Up steps our brilliant academic to save the day. By being an Australian and by completely taking the piss off out of the competition, she’s pretty much assured that the event will be off the agenda for Brisbane 2032.

It will already be absent at the LA Olympics in 2028 for some reason. So by the time two Olympics have gone by without the event, it’s a goner.

So just maybe she is a 36 year old academic that specialises in the cultural politics of break dancing.

There’s a fine between claiming one’s natural born rights, without violence if necessary, and mental illness.

In my defence, it came to me in a dream. It can’t be madness then, right? We all know that our subconsciouses would gloriously fail the DSM, and even more.

This shared knowledge is the glue that we don’t perceive, and yet keeps us from eating the bin chickens.

So I’m calling it automotive week.

Bought a new car, grey import from Japan.

Bought a new bike from a dealer.

Got my bike license via a 2 day course.

Now I’m selling a car without rego to the bottom feeders.

Wherefore does this concentration of motivation hardware originate?

If you hypothesize that your hormones, which are mostly inherited, define your personality then follow this maths;

There are 50 hormones.

Say 10 discrete levels of each.

That’s 500 different hormone options.

500 Factorial is 1.2×10^124

There’s only 8 billion people, so the chances of two random people chosen from the 8 billion, having the same hormone levels is effectively zero.

Family members inherit similar hormone expression, but that’s not random.

So we are all unique, mostly.

In reality there’d be a Gaussian distribution of levels for each of the 50 hormones. But even then the numbers are such that it’s still virtually impossible to find two people with similar hormone levels.