Performance Monkey Review

For the workers amongst you, if you ever find yourself at the back end of a crap performance review just remember this:

1. Negative feedback is amplified 10x over the good stuff in our pea brains

2. There may actually be something to listen to in there. Figure out what it is and work on it.

3. Turn your adversary into your mentor by asking them to help you correct your ‘defects’. Do this one-on-one after the review when they feel the most guilt or pity for you.

4. Subtract 90% of the impact if you are not offered a return serve, aka a 360 degree review of your bosses. One sided feedback is the sign of scared and dysfunctional fuckwits.

5. If the negative reviews are always the same and apparently full of hypocrisies then it’s worth considering in which other job you might be happier

6. You only get negative feedback when they know you care. If you have a good ‘Catch-22’ attitude then they won’t bother you.

7. And do remember there is often a bias towards giving negative reviews because this helps to dampen expectations of promotions and salary increases. Of course it’s a tight rope they walk here between demotivating people just enough so they keep on wage-slaving versus seeking new opportunities elsewhere.

8. If you know all this already then what are you doing?