Universal Vampire Hypothesis

I really like the idea that we all have little vampires on our shoulders whispering in our ears and occasionally glamouring us when we accidentally spot the impossible.

It’s probably a symbiotic relationship where they take a nibble of blood from time to time and we get shielded from the insanity of infinity.

Being antisenescent, vampires must jump from host to host when we die. I will overlook the numbers problem here – they probably do all mammals. And daylight, not a problem – that myth was propagated by our jockeys to put us off the scent.

It would explain the old stories of the little devils on our shoulders and why some pirates and most women like to balance their load with the odd parrot or a handbag.