Time up

I just watched the third in the ‘before’ series – ‘before sunrise’, ‘before sunset’ and ‘before midnight’ – the latter being the third.

Oooh, it makes one squirmy to watch this stuff. But is very instructional.

A few ideas come to mind though;

1. Affluence drives us to be very busy doing what are essentially non-critical activities, and in this time poor environment is created many relationship issues.
2. Matching the ‘big’ desires of two people in a relationship can often be very difficult and the less the differences the better. Big issues are ‘where you live’, ‘relationships with kids to ex-partners’, etc.
3. People, even those that know each other inside out, often talk around a subject rather than going to the core of it. Often because they haven’t even properly absorbed their own position. Much of what we think, feel and desire is sub-conscious. So to know oneself is a great starting point for a good relationship.
4. There are critical moments in a relationship that come and go, and if both partners are coincidentally feeling shit about themselves and the relationship, then a perfectly good partnership can dissolve simply due to unfortunate timing. It only takes one party to rescue a crap situation.
5. I keep going back to try and understand what makes couples tick. What makes two seemingly unsuited or suited people matched? I think its a combination of covering for each other’s emotional and developmental issues, security and convenience (the ‘core’ issues). The rest, the daily interest, the sex, the laughs, or lack thereof, is just filler.
6. The longer you spend with someone the more you compensate automatically for the differences between you. This can be both a good and a bad thing. If it’s just putting up with the differences, then emotionally and under the surface, resentment can build. However if people learnt to really let go then this compensation can really work.
7. Time spent together is as critical as time spent apart, which reminds you of what you have. However too much time spent exploring apart creates issues by offering one or the other person too many fundamental alternatives, which always look glossy on the surface. Also this individual development occurs without the attenuating influence of the other, and this lack of synchronicity can be fatal.

Point 5 sort of suggests what the good and bad reasons are for leaving a relationship. But it also is a good guide for getting the core stuff right, but then also minimizing the pain associated with ‘filler’ issues – one may as well get these irritants reduced to the max. But even then, time leads to contempt.