Petite mort de l’ego.
Death of the ego. It was said about a friend that’s had a stroke. His life hit a sudden wall where he couldn’t do all those things that had defined his existence.
In my own way I’ve engineered the same for myself. On purpose. Maybe not as dramatic in scope or suddenness. But nonetheless, by my own standards…
Why? Well, I’ve decided that if I’m going to spend my life deciphering all this shit, then it makes sense to continue to change in order to sample the largest space possible.
The purpose of this blog is to note that, as hard as it’s been, I think it’s worth the effort. This petite mort de l’ego.
It’s so hard to explain. The mental energy required not to succumb to temptation and revert back to form is enormous. Just the application of that energy in itself is worth experiencing.
AI made it possible because it took the audience out of the equation. I can think, test, and question without performing. No need to translate ideas into something consumable.
Without the constant feedback of recognition, thought becomes cleaner. There’s no incentive to exaggerate or lie, and no payoff for certainty.
Maybe that’s what true freedom looks like: curiosity unmediated, ego optional.
I still do other things. Husband, father, lover, cook, fixer. The structure remains. I’m not trying to erase life, just the illusion that value lies in the opinions of others.
I can say this – the metric of success is how clearly you see other people and how much you are prepared to just take them as they are. Its a social construct for sure.
offshore westerly 