Denial of Fear
In the enneagram system there are 9 personality types which match pretty much anyone you know. A useful shortcut.
The personality types are supposedly formed when we are infants, when we become aware of our individuality.
There are three types of responses to this early awareness of individuality; shame, fear and anger.
The are three responses to these; denial, change and justification.
Hence the nine enneagram types.
The enneagram people say that we aren’t trapped by our types. That we can become enlightened and move above our types.
No one knows anyone that has done this though.
My own type is a 5.The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated.
I have a wing of a type 4.
Here I am – http://structuralenneagram.com/?page_id=177
Five-wing-Fours are continually creating new and original works in order to make something of themselves and distinguish themselves from others.
They want to be loved but think they have to prove themselves worthy of love; to that end, they can be seductive and anxious to please.
My personality arose from the fear of being alone. I reacted with denial. My wing says I also had a shame of being me, and I reacted with change, away from my character.
The key question is how to move on from this? How to become enlightened?
The first step is to accept the contents of this blog and then be aware of how I am trapped in my feelings, behaviour and thoughts by this formative template.
Like any addiction, I’ve revelled in it until the point that I am nauseous. Time to move on.
My mantra for any change; be the change that you want to see in yourself.
Step one; revel in your addiction.
Step two; recognise the resulting boredom with yourself, and become nauseous
Step three; observe your repetitive behaviours.
Step four; use that observation to correct your behaviours in real time. Learn new habits.
Step five; eventually these habits become you.
The new habits, in no particular order.
In my case:
1. Try to become less detached from my environment
2. Fear not rejection by others
3. Do not try to prove my worth with my intellect and creativity
4. Don’t get bogged down in negative emotions
5. Don’t be provocative.
6. Have not contempt, even in private
7. Lay off seductiveness and be not eager to please
8. Trust in the love of someone(s)
9. Practice analytical thinking and procedural planning
10. De-emphasise irony, surrealism, pessimism, and nihilism.
11. Focus on the agendas of others rather than my own.
12. Seek company even when you are exhausted by company
13. Say this mantra. “There is nothing to fear, soon it will be over. Enjoy what time you have left. Don’t waste it by re-living that infant fear of being alone. You aren’t.”
offshore westerly 