Warning

I couldn’t make this shit up.

On my morning cycling commute to work, whilst going around the Bay Run, I was pulled over by two cycle police.

This is a path shared with joggers, cyclists, dogs off leashes, fat women with prams, three fat women with prams abreast, the odd fisherperson, pedestrians, drunks coming out of the rowing club, etc.

The conversation with the cycling police went as follows:

“Do you know why we’ve pulled you over?”

“Not a clue mate”

“Well there is a 10 km/h speed limit on this shared path and you were well exceeding that”

“A speed limit?”

“Yes, there a new signs up everywhere”

“Mate the idea of riding a bike is so that you don’t have to read signs”

“Well it’s your responsibility to read every sign and follow the rules. Exceeding the speed limit is dangerous and we are taking this very seriously”

“I have just started riding – it’s all new to me”

They looked at my shaky red fixie and clearly chose to disbelieve this fabrication.

“You have to learn the rules. No one can speed here”

“What do you do when there is an emergency and you have to speed? Put on your siren so everyone gets out of the way?”

At this point they couldn’t help but laugh and I was let off with a stern warning.

I wanted to tell them that I haven’t got a speedo, but I couldn’t be arsed arguing further.

I know what’s coming. Compulsory speedos, indicators, bike helmets with airbags, ABS, bicycle licenses and even bikes that won’t let you engage gears unless you have your brake on.

Yikes.