Thrive

I was pondering couples and what makes two thrive as one or two.

Eventually I have boiled it down to three concepts.

One. Sexual attraction. No bonus points for picking this one. This is the most important upfront must-have and the least important after a while. And yet the fading of it can cause otherwise great relationships to falter

Two. Shared interests, values and life philosophies. Again it’s obvious but sometimes over-ridden by sexual desire. The subtle trick with this one is that the shared interests, values and life philosophies have to change in concert. Stagnation together is just as bad as the growing apart.

Three. No awkward silences; these are a symptom of a lack of contentedness at times when one just ‘is’. It’s hard to explain but sometimes it’s just nice to be with someone without the need to communicate verbally or the need to be doing something in particular. I have seen many couples that lack this. Fatal.

In my view these three points are the primary colours; the three that are fundamental and can’t be synthesised. No matter how hard one or two tries.

Oddly, relationships can be deficient in, say, the third of these for years before it becomes a critical issue. People manage this by being too busy to notice.

You really do need time enough for love.