Coffee

Headline – “A coffee a day can help in keeping non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD). The study to be published in international journal Hepatology has concluded that caffeine helps in reducing the fat (lipid) content on the liver.”

Firstly, it’s not even published yet. And nowhere in their results is ‘non-alcoholic’ referred to. That is just the do-gooders intervening in the media and they can get away with this because the researchers didn’t bother to get their mice pissed.

In any case I just we know alcohol is a major contributor to fatty liver disease, so if you drink lots of grog then you also need to down lots of coffee (despite the implication of the headline). This has always been my strategy.

And then you need Valium to overcome the effects of the coffee so you can sleep. And then maybe some uppers in the morning to get moving and overcome the grogginess.

And you may as well supplement the whole shebang with multi-vitamins and some electrolytes.

Ah, but beware – this result is from a university and so far all we have is “Using cell culture and mouse models, the study authors observed that caffeine stimulates the metabolization of lipids stored in liver cells and decreased the fatty liver of mice that were fed a high-fat diet”.

Notice there is no mention no mention of the quantitative changes – it was probably a 1% change (with and without coffee) and within the error of the measurements. In any case it was in a Petri dish using mouse cells for fucks sake. I smell a rat.

This didn’t stop these academics going media-viral with this conclusion: “These findings suggest that consuming the equivalent caffeine intake of four cups of coffee or tea a day may be beneficial in preventing and protecting against the progression of NAFLD in humans”.

Fuckwits.